Choose to be better

“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.” (Josh Shipp)

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At 27 years of age, I was the youngest women’s basketball head coach at the NCAA level. Four years later, I was allowed to take my talents elsewhere.

I got resigned.

How kind of them to let me voluntarily resign.

No matter how you spin it, I was fired.

Soon after receiving the news, I called a mentor of mine. The year prior, he’d been fired as a Division I head coach and I wanted to find out what I should do.

Mainly, I just wanted to vent.

Like most people in similar situations, I didn’t think it was my fault … well, at the very least, they hadn’t given me a chance, given me the resources, or given me enough time.

It was easy to play the victim card.

The alternative was a hard pill to swallow. I hated to think that I could be at fault.

Coach Ed Schilling told me that very day that I could be bitter or I could get better.

This was not a decision to be made over the coming days. No, this was a decision I needed to make this very instance because all my subsequent actions would result from this one choice.

What kind of coach I’d be and what kind of person I’d be would be shaped largely by the decision I made that very day.

Would I be bitter or be better?

It didn’t matter whose fault any of my failures were, I was ultimately responsible for the program I was in charge of. More importantly, I was responsible for my actions moving forward.

Would I be coachable? Would I be honest with myself? Would I look at my coaching style, leadership style, and personality from a different point of view?

Would my future athletes be impacted positively because I was a better coach? Nobody would benefit from me playing the victim card. No one would be influenced in a positive direction and move forward toward their goals if I stayed in the past and wallowed in the blame game.

I’m thankful that there was a coach like Ed Schilling in my life that day long ago that helped me become a better coach.

Bitter or better, it’s our choice.

 

Jamy Bechler is the author of eight books including The Captain and The Bus Trip, host of the Success is a Choice Podcast, professional speaker, and trains organizations on creating championship cultures. He previously spent 20 years as a college basketball coach and administrator.  The Leadership Playbook is Bechler’s online program that helps athletes become better teammates and more positive leaders while strengthening a team’s culture. As a certified John Maxwell leadership coach, Bechler has worked with businesses and teams, including the NBA. Follow him on Twitter at @CoachBechler. To connect with him via email or find out about his services, please contact speaking@CoachBechler.com. You can also subscribe to his insights on success and leadership by clicking here.