Jamy Bechler

Providing Insights on Leadership and Success. Coach Bechler is a John Maxwell Leadership Team Member.

Who’s On First?

Poor Abbott. Poor Costello. In the classic sketch Who’s On First, they heard each other’s words but just couldn’t seem to understand what each other was saying.

It’s no secret that we all desire to be listened to and we all want to be understood.

I am right. You are wrong. Why should I listen to you? Wait, what?!? You don’t understand what I’m saying? How is that even possible?

In the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey said, “If you’re like most people you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation, or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen?”

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5 Tips for Better Communication

“Half the world is composed of people who have something to say but can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say but keep on saying it.”  (ROBERT FROST)

“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.”  (MARK TWAIN)

Because I am married and I fly often, the following story is near and dear to my heart . . .

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Episode 081: Former FBI Lead Negotiator Chris Voss

Chris Voss is the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, CEO of Black Swan Group Ltd., and a former lead negotiator for the FBI.

Prior to 2008, Chris was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, as well as the FBI’s hostage negotiation representative for the National Security Council’s Hostage Working Group. During his government career, he also represented the U.S. Government at two (2) international conferences sponsored by the G-8 as an expert in kidnapping. Prior to becoming the FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, Christopher served as the lead Crisis Negotiator for the New York City Division of the FBI. Christopher was a member of the New York City Joint Terrorist Task Force for 14 years.  He was the case agent on such cases as TERRSTOP (the Blind Sheikh Case – Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman), the TWA Flight 800 catastrophe and negotiated the surrender of the first hostage taker to give up in the Chase Manhattan bank robbery hostage taking.

During Chris’s 24 year tenure in the Bureau, he was trained in the art of negotiation by not only the FBI but Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School. He is also a recipient of the Attorney General’s Award for Excellence in Law Enforcement and the FBI Agents Association Award for Distinguished and Exemplary Service.

Chris has taught business negotiation in the MBA program as an adjunct professor at University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business and at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business.  He has taught business negotiation at Harvard University, guest lectured at The Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, The IMD Business School in Lausanne, Switzerland and The Goethe School of Business in Frankfurt, Germany. Since 2009 Christopher has also worked with Insite Security as their Managing Director of the Kidnapping Resolution Practice.

In today’s episode, we discuss:

  • Is real life FBI negotiating like what we see in the movies
  • How we can use negotiating skills in our every day lives
  • Strategies for dealing with customer service representatives
  • How to be the smartest and most interesting person in the room

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Matter of Perspective

“At Harvard they labeled me a jock.  In the NFL they considered me intellectual.” 
(Pat McInally, former NFL player)

 

A story is told of a husband and wife sitting at a table at the husband’s high school reunion.  He keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

The wife asked, “Do you know her?”
 
“Yes,” the husband signed, “She’s my old girlfriend.  I understand that she took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I hear she hasn’t stopped since.”
 
“I can’t believe it!” the wife said. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

Perspective.  We all see things differently.  Even husbands and wives.  Come to think of it . . . especially husbands and wives! 

Anyways, moving on . . .

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Episode 057: Motivational Speaker Tony Gaskins, Jr.

Tony Gaskins Jr. is a motivational speaker, author, and life coach who has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show.  Tony built his brand from scratch to where he now has more than 1 million followers on social media. At 22, he became an author. At 23, he became a husband and father. At 25, he started his first company, Soul Writers LLC. At 25, he also got himself on globally televised shows to tell a portion of his story. Tony decided to turn his pain into purpose and live a life of service. Raised in the church and being the son of a pastor, there was something about service that stuck with Tony.

 

Tony made his fair share of mistakes like most young men from areas like where he grew up. Many of his childhood friends are serving life sentences in prison. Although Tony was introduced to the street life between the ages of 18–23, he finally found his way. At 23, he allowed love to change his life. His wife was unwilling to be with a man who wouldn’t live up to his full potential. That tough love pushed Tony to be more and to do more.

By combining all of his passions Tony became an author, life coach, and speaker.  In 2015 Tony began working with an NBA team as the team life coach.   Tony also became the life coach for several college teams. His message comes from his mess. He believes that we all are coaches because we’ve all learned lessons that can help someone else. Operating in his gifts also took him around the world as a highly sought- after speaker. Tony has spoken in two other continents and over 10 different countries and counting. Tony was able to accomplish these feats by the tender age of 31.

He doesn’t believe in boxes. “Don’t put me in a box until I’m going in the ground,” he says. He covers a wide range of topics in the areas of life, love, and business. He’s written several books on those subjects with his latest work being The Dream Chaser published by Wiley and available everywhere books are sold.

In today’s episode, we discuss:

  • His appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show
  • How his background helped shape who he is now
  • Writing books to help people
  • Working with and connecting with NBA players 

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Episode 022: The Super Coach Micheal Burt

Micheal Burt is known as “The Super Coach,” for his unique blend of being a former championship coach who has an entrepreneurial mindset. He has authored 12 books, including the best-seller Zebra and Cheetahs, as well as his newest book Everybody Needs a Coach in Life. As a basketball coach, Burt won 221 games in a nine-year period, including the school’s first-ever State Championship. He now speaks, coaches, trains, and leads some of the top companies in the world. His biggest coaching program has over 150 entrepreneurs and sales professionals enrolled in MONSTER PRODUCER and his new virtual training interactive platform is called “The Monster Growth Academy” which houses over 400 web based interactive lessons for you to absorb on any device anytime.

In today’s episode, we discuss:

  • Why everybody needs a coach in life
  • How successful people become successful
  • Advice on writing a book and telling your story
  • Mistakes the people make when trying to grow their business

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Everyone Communicates; Few Connect

“The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.” (John D. Rockefeller)

My brother and I can chat for 30 minutes on the phone and when I hang up, I can’t answer any questions from my wife about my brother’s family or what’s really going on in his life.  But, boy can I tell you his opinion on Michigan football or the Detroit Tigers. [Read more…]

Summer Reading Bucket List

“The education of a man is never complete until he dies.” (Robert E. Lee)

I’m an avid reader of motivational, success and leadership books. I have written about some of the best leadership books and coaching books that I have read.

Each summer, I try to knock out a few new ones.  This upcoming summer, I plan on reading the following 16 books to further develop my thinking.

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15 Best Books for Leaders

“I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.” (Abraham Lincoln)
As a basketball coach, I have a tremendous opportunity to lead and influence people every day.  Certainly leadership involves a great many things, however, I have found that constantly learning and re-learning methods, strategies, and insights gives me a better chance to lead in a positive manner.  Reading books is one of the key resources that I utilize in trying to sharpen my leadership skills.  Every once in awhile, I’ll even read a book again because it was so good.  Below are some of the books that I’d recommend highly for anyone seeking to be a better leader.

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